Part 2

Monday Night RAW
October 18, 2010

Eschewing a drawn-out intro, I must start by saying this episode truly confirmed for me that pro-wrestling's status isn't merely on the decline, it's on the demise. Let's face it, WWE, by and large has sucked for the past few years (ahem, since the whole Benoit ordeal). There have certainly been some great moments, some excellent talents who have created memorable and exciting performances, but the end result has continuously been disappointment, for not just the audience, but the growing number of WWE ex-pats who seem to agree that the company is going in the wrong direction.

At about 3/4 in to an exceedingly boring show, the screen went black and then appeared the usual TV-PG logo, but this time, filling the entire screen. What followed was a painful and almost nauseating promo of self-serving, idealistic, and completely shameless self-promotion as "wholesome family entertainment" and with patriotism to match. I've seen a lot of senseless nonsense put forth in the WWE, but this was simply outlandish in its disingenuous presentation. Then the show ends with an impromptu battle royale between the RAW and Smackdown rosters. You can't tell what's going on, Hornswoggle (the midget who can't talk) took over Michael Cole's spot so we are treated to gibberish for commentary and gibberish for action in the ring. Next to nothing enjoyable about watching this one.

Which brings me to Michael Cole, the one and only. It was this idea that actually first got me writing on wrestling. I've noticed as the quality of the show as a whole has gone down over the past few years, the Michael Cole's character has gotten exponentially more entertaining and interesting. He has had some brilliant spots recently, including the 10th anniversary of Smackdown where people kept feeding him drinks and he just kept eating shrimp cocktail and rambling on about all things vintage, then topped off with Cole vomiting all over Chris Jericho's shoes. Who could forget his outlandish performance at the last Slammy's when he proclaimed the "slobberknocker" era over and the era of "vintage" just beginning. And how right he was as Cole seems to get more prominent as the weeks ensue.

Since 97 when Cole debuted (am I the only one who was under the impression he was Todd Pettengill's son?) he has been the constant target of wrestlers' natural aversion to twerps. And Cole played so well the role of being an annoying little punk just ripe for mockery and humiliation. And I'll be damned if he hasn't played it all off like a pro. And now in these watered-down, TV-PG, "oh my gosh" days in which we find ourselves, Cole can really shine. His hatred of Daniel Bryan Danielson since he started in NXT earlier this year has been nothing short of hilarious. He rags on Bryan for being a vegan, being a tool and not having any of the necessary charisma befitting of a world-class wrestler (which he really is btw). What just about killed me was on the newest season of NXT was when Cole brought a gong that he could hit whenever the show's content dipped below his standards. He did not hesitate to call out the substandard show. Most of the time, he wouldn't even maintain a sense of humor about; he genuinely sounded like he was disgusted with the show, which anyone watching at home surely was too. At one point, he finally had it with the show and went off on a tirade about his "journalistic integrity" being offended, as he was indeed a war correspondent (I really can't picture it), and that was enough for him to walk off the show and be replaced by CM Punk, wearing his ring garb and a suit jacket, looking mighty ridiculous. I think to many people's chagrin, Cole returned at the end, withstood the boos to be welcomed back with honor by Punk, who praised his announcing skills as legendary. If you look closely or if you were able to withstand the utter bullshit of the current NXT, there was some profound and telling moments here about the state of the business: the "entertainment" is just schlock they're shuffling around to fill in TV time on this pointless auxiliary show, real talent gets buried and misused on the proper shows, PPV's are an expensive letdown (plenty on that later on), but now I look forward to Michael fucking Cole's antics on every Monday and Friday.

But like I said, the business has most likely breached the point of no return. It'll never be the Attitude Era ever again. So many fans cry for a return to the old ways, not realizing that what made that time so great, was that it didn't follow tradition; Vince was constantly pushing the envelope for new and exciting storylines, that further distanced the WWF from wrestling's corny past. It worked back then, for there was so much freedom for them on television with none of the modern day scrutiny common in all athletics, namely to protect the children, because their parents are too busy. It's my opinion that Vince has been losing his mind for the past few years and has lost his logical perspective on how to create a solid wrestling show. The way the man has worked over the years must have eroded his reasoning. He's been responsible for a brand new Monday Night Raw every Monday since January 11, 1993, a new Smackdown every weeks since August 26, 1999, a new Pay-Per-View every month, and a host of so many other come-and-go programs like Superstars, Sunday Night Heat, Shotgun Saturday Night, the now defunct ECW, etc. That kind of insanely stressful schedule would wear down anyone's mind. Considering all that the company's been through, it'll never be the same, it'll never be Stone Cold and the Rock ever again. And I accept that, unlike most fans who think they want to see the same shit over and over again. Vince and his team, however, are convinced that they know how to make a sellable show, and don't really care what the fans think they want. This disparity allows for a crap show and a crap audience. Which brings me to my next point.

TNA is still trying to rehash old ECW, a company that went under almost a decade ago, in addition to keeping washed-up embarrassments like Hogan and Flair in the spotlight, people so desperate to not be forgotten, while all the talent in their prime takes a backseat to assholes like that. If anyone recalls, World Championship Wrestling, one of the biggest, most lucrative promotions of all time, collapsed primarily because of 3 people, whom I affectionately refer to as the Trifecta of Jagoffs: Hulk Hogan, Vince Russo, and Eric Bischoff. Who's running TNA now? Hogan, Bischoff, and Russo. Writing's all over the wall, yet they still are responsible for the lives and careers of so many. I can barely watch the show; I have friends with stronger stomachs who fill me on the spots nowadays. I always thank them for saving me the pain of sitting through Impact.

I've tried, I've really tried to like TNA over the years, and I just can't do it. First off, without a decent announce team, the talent is irrelevant. Mike Tenay and Don West? Really? The only positive thing I can say about that team is that at least Tony Schiavone isn't on it. But TNA in their infinite wisdom, brought in one of the absolute worst color-commentators in the business: Tazz. I will certainly never disrespect Tazz's legacy as a wrestler, one of the best. Tazz in mid-90's ECW was one of the meanest, most impressive guys out there. His suplexes were downright brutal as was his vicious chokehold that people in the ECW Arena would lose their minds for. Then came all the neck injuries, forcing him to retire to the announce table, a place where he unfortunately didn't belong, and a position he never quite adjusted to. He's terrible on TNA, like Tenay wasn't bad enough. And that's just the tip of the iceberg with this promotion, but others have gone on at length about the details of their sub-par programming. They did one smart thing, though, by firing Jim Cornette. I don't say that because I hate him, he's one of my all-time favorite personalities in the business and I truly believe he needs his own talk-show on national TV, but I digress. He's now in Ring of Honor, which I really hope will breakthrough to the mainstream without diluting their product, and I think with Mr. Cornette's genius as executive producer, there just might be a legitimate reason to think so.